EU Faux Pas in the USA

As I was out having dinner with someone in a Manhattan restaurant last night, I began to think about how different we were as people, despite our common language and interests. When Sting wrote the lyric "Legal Alien", in many ways he really was conjuring up the best possible phrase for an Englishman in New York.

For the weekend then, I've decided to list seven of what I think are the most subtle but important mistakes English people and Europeans in particular make when they come to America. In fact, I think on many levels, these are some of the reasons for break-downs in political and business communications between the USA and the EU. If you can think of any more, post them in the comments section below.

So, if as a European you find yourself in the U.S.A., DO NOT:

1. Assume that your typically understated demeanor with be recognized and admired by your American colleagues. It won't. This is not to suggest that you should brag while in the company of Americans, but our trans-Atlantic brothers and sisters are very vocal about their achievements and positive proclivities, and you should take this as a license to do the same. The difference between Europeans and Americans here is that the latter actually want to hear about all the great, amazing things you've done, so you don't have to be afraid of selling yourself. In fact, if someone seems to be over-bragging about how brilliant they are, it's usually because you have not offered anything to the table yet in return, so take this as your cue to do so. However, a crucial disclaimer here: make sure you sell yourself in a way that is as deeply personal as possible (see 5), otherwise, being European, you risk coming off being somewhat aloof.

2. Politely respond to the question "how are you doing?" with a brief "fine, thanks" and walk away shyly without engaging in much further dialog. This is very rude, and Americans will just assume you are not interested in talking to them, or that you think something is wrong with them. If you're buying something, like a coffee, it's perfectly acceptable to respond with "how are you doing?" back, while not answering the question, and place your order. In Northern Europe especially, we are not naturally inclined towards rapport with people we do not know, and tend to get quite defensive when someone asks this question up front: remember, this is essentially a culture of immigrants, so think like one.

3. Try to exaggerate an overseas experience for dramatic effect. Or, for that matter, underestimate the intelligence of your American companion. Once you start getting into the swing of things, you'll realize how  a) generally untraveled your American colleagues are, and b) how much they enjoy listening to your overseas adventures as a result. In such situations, it is often tempting to add little fictional details to a place/event in order to enhance it for dramatic effect. Don't. There are two reasons for this. Reason one is that however brash they might come off at first, Americans are incredibly brilliant bull-shit detectors. Probably because of the largely commercial nature of the country, Americans are hard-wired to find you out, so play authentic. Secondly, as untraveled as your American companion may well be, remember that this is a culture of very recent immigration, and so someone probably has a third-cousin/half-brother/sister-in-law from the place you're talking about, or at least near-by. Essentially, this all boils down to a crucial key point, that you must never, ever forget. Do not underestimate the intelligence of American people. Just because they come off less "broadly trained" than you are, this does not mean they are not extremely savvy people. There's a reason this place has become the largest self-sufficient economy in the world in a tenth of the time it took European countries. 

4. Seize every point an American colleague is saying in a debate by analyzing and deconstructing his/her sentence structure word-by-word and pointing out the flaws in his/her logic. Your apparent logical brilliance will not be appreciated, but most of all, it won't be understood. You will in fact come off looking stupid. This temptation arises out of a two-fold dichotomy: Americans use very bold and political language to convey their points, and in such a situation Europeans are trained from a young age to take apart, bit-by-bit, what their opponent is saying and return that sentence as a direct challenge of whether they know what they are talking about or not. This is not the case in America: using bold and strong language is perfectly acceptable, and most Americans think you are just wasting time or don't get it if you continually defer back to empirical logic when arguing with them. By all means fine-tune your own sentences, but attack the concepts they are putting forward in debate, not their debating style.

5.  Hold back on sharing fairly intimate/personal stories on a first meeting. This will make you seem as if you have something to hide and will not endear you to people quickly. It is perfectly acceptable to talk about your qualities and faults with loquacious and detailed stories as if you had known the person for years. In Europe, this is somewhat inappropriate behavior, and in certain parts of Europe especially, it is guaranteed to send people running away quicker than you can order the next round of drinks. In America, however, it shows you are confident and happy with the person that you are, you have nothing to hide, and that you are genuinely interested in getting to know your colleagues.

6. Assume that anyone who is on some kind of anti-depressant or who has been on one/several is insane and that you shouldn't talk to them. Medication, and anti-depressants in particular, are pretty near popular culture in America, and loads of people have taken them. Be aware too that most Americans are fascinated by the effects of anti-depressants, and will happily talk about multiple types of drugs and their benefits/side-effects with great interest and relish. If someone tells you an experience about their time on Prozac, ask something like "did it help?" and then share a similar experience of a time when you were really depressed.

7. Assume that every American is pro-war in Iraq. I shouldn't need to point this out, but it's still a huge stereotype. Americans have a whole diverse range of political views, and you'll encounter them in all their glorious and inglorious aspects, because they also love to talk about politics. In fact, politics is a very good conversation starter in America, so don't be afraid to ask someone who they are going to vote for at the next election right off the bat. But, do be aware that while not every American supports military combat elsewhere in the world, by far the majority believe that America itself has fundamentally very good intentions, and that the country really does want the best for everyone. This is not a concept you should challenge until you know someone at least quite well.

*UPDATE* Thanks for dropping by and for all your comments. This post - quite unsurprisingly - seems to have generated a strong emotional reaction in many cases. Due to the overwhelming number of comments here then, I'm going to list and further expound some of what I think are the best pieces of further advice given by the American readers themselves. If you have any more, or you agree or disagree with me, keep posting them in the comments below because I will respond.

First a quick blog promotion. This blog is about the global economy and specifically globalization's impacts on markets and visa versa. I occasionally get political but mostly try and keep the polemics as economically grounded as possible, so it's different in that respect. The following is for sure: what you read here is probably better advice than what you'll read elsewhere on the global economy, and America's situation within it, and you won't find many of the ideas expressed here elsewhere either. I'm a freelance financial journalist (go to my about page), and to make a success of being a freelancer, you have to write accurately, informatively, and you have to have an edge that others don't have, simple as that. You're in business for yourself. In other words, keep coming back. E-mail me or post a comment if you're interested in a perspective on something and you want me to write about it, and most likely I will. Hat tip to Glenn Reynolds for linking to me again, too.

Now, from readers (and with my explanations), some further DO NOT's:

8. Assume that because wealth is greatly admired and sought after in the United States, your inherited wealth will be similarly admired. It won't. This has to be one of the fundamental differences between continental Europe (excluding Scandinavia) and America. Americans like self-made people, people who got their hands dirty earning their money and have all the bruises to show for it. If you have made a lot of money yourself, fair play. If you have inherited wealth on the other hand, play it down if possible, because to American eyes, you haven't done anything to earn it. You can throw a lavish dinner party with the youngest and trendiest Lords and Ladies (such as would be greatly admired in London) of course, and while some Americans may appreciate the invitation, most who go along will do so in order to see the eccentric 'circus act' you've put on, not to get to know you in any meaningful way. The irony is, it is usually the people who have inherited wealth who are most self-conscious about displaying what they have in the United States. They should in fact be self-conscious about playing it cool, not playing it up.

9. Draw parallels between European pre-industrial revolution colonialism and America's post-world war II involvement in world economies and politics. This is guaranteed to get you thrown out of a conversation circle, unless you know the people you are talking to very well. It is also, however, an incorrect comparison, however easy it is for Europeans to draw parallels. Americans do not see themselves as colonizers of the world in the way Europeans once were, and in fact, they are right about this too. The American Empire has tended to economically try and dominate the world, rather than control it politically, whereas the Europeans were chiefly political in terms of their ambitions for individual countries (which is also why they ultimately lost them). If you disagree with this statement, just look at the vastly different intentions of the U.K. and the U.S.A. in Hong Kong, and for that matter, in China.

10. Make assumptions about America or American people based on what you have seen on Hollywood movies. Again, this shouldn't need to be re-iterated, but it's a classic fault, time and time again, of Europeans when they think of Americans. The best parallel I can give to show how inaccurate such portrayal of Americans and America is, is that given of the English or the French in such movies. Do all English drink tea and speak like they were educated at the most expensive boarding schools in the country? (Answer; maybe 1%)  Are all French red-wine drinking,pot-smoking miscreants? (Answer; this is a very specific sub-set of Parisians generally living within the wealthier arrondisements).

11. Assume that once you've been to one part of America you know it all. This may undermine some of my previous points, because they focus on generally broad aspects of the U.S.A, but it is true - America is an enormous country, and as a result, it's probably best to bear in mind how different the U.K. and Greece are. Double that distance and you haven't even covered the longitude of America.

12. Be afraid to ask for a pay rise. Bargaining and negotiating is at the heart of American culture, and is a major factor in what has driven this highly commercial and competitive country to number one economic status. In some cases, if you don't, you will just get left behind. In fact, as an example of this, an American friend of mine told me the other day that she "figured I should stay in the job a month before negotiating for more money." To most Europeans, you would be lucky after a year if you were able to negotiate a pay increase. Not so in the U.S.A. It's a deal-driven environment, and you should similarly have fun rainmaking and driving deals, wherever you are on the economic plateau.

**UPDATE** I've received a fair bit of e-mail from this post and thread, and there seems too to be quite a lot of other threads at different sites discussing this piece. This e-mail from reader Byron says something which it's especially worth remembering, I think:

Great article, well written and well treated.  This kind of clear, respectful, honest analysis of the differences in our two cultures is increasingly valuable these days as the US-EU transatlantic alliance should be one of the strongest forces for human rights worldwide, rather than the constant bickering match to which it recently seems to have degraded.  We have differences we need to overcome to accomplish that, and doing so requires respectful understanding and acceptance of our cultural, political, and historical differences.

Absolutely on-the-money. Building our trans-atlantic political and economic alliances to create a power center which is capable of doing bigger and better things is exactly what both Europe and the United States should be striving for, and it's what Britain and America have been doing since the fall of the British Empire and the rise of the American Empire.

In many cases though, economic reality speaks louder than all others, and that means it's time for the continental European countries - in particular France and Germany - to begin playing ball a little more. This will ultimately benefit these current naysayers economically, too. As an example of an economy which has successfully done so, Spain, prompted in this direction under Aznar's excellent leadership, derived massive growth both in terms of it's import/exports and capital market growth as a result. 

Comments

[Just Some Guy]

Fascinating comments! I'm American and find the self-analysis and experienced commentary on this subject quite intrigueing.

Obviously you like America and Americans in general. You probably know that most Americans have encountered, at some point, a European who generally hates America and Americans. I once sat next to a young Swedish woman on a plane. We conversed a bit, and she kept saying things like, "but don't you agree that your country does not have enough culture, and that your government is terrible?" I'd like to see a response to your post by a European like that.

[MB]

But most of all, DO NOT take any of the above advice seriously.

[Chester White]

DO NOT:

1. Automatically assume we think your "free health care" is any good. Some of us have direct experience with it and, as in my case, had a horrible outcome.

2. Assume we all hate George Bush and every single Republican ever born.

3. Assume we will agree with you that capitalism is horrible and cruel and that every enlightened person on earth mustagree. There are 9,000,000+ millionaire households in the US and most of them got that way on their own. How many are there in Europe?

4. Tell us we are selfish because we are only 6% of the world's population, yet produce way more than that fraction of the pollution. Ask us what percentage of the world's GDP we put out, not to mention what percentage of the world's security we provide, for free.

5. Fail to bathe.

I could go on for days, but this will suffice for now.

[swampwoman]

Sounds as though you may be mistaking behavior in the northeast with the rest of America. Behavior such as you describe would be viewed in my area as extremely rude and offensive.

[Tood]

Debate Europeans with this article about why America will still be the only superpower in 2030.

http://futurist.typepad.com/my_weblog/2006/05/why_the_us_will.html

A great conversation starter.

[geekWithA.45]

>> don't be afraid to ask someone who they are going to vote for at the next election right off the bat.

Are you _insane_?

No, DO NOT ask this right off the bat.

Apparently, the author never heard the aphorism that "religion and politics makes poor dinner conversation."

This is a safe question ONLY in a homogenous political environment, where most folks are playing for the same team.

In a mixed environment, you'll either queue up a powderkeg, or, more likely, the question will be squeegeed off to the side, with some neutral, noncommital response.

With tensions and polarization at an all time high, folks in politically mixed environments are obscuring their team colors, so as to be able to carry on with biz.

Folks are interested in talking politics, but not interested in general donnybrooks, so tread lightly.

-----------------

Another point, mainly for my UK cousins. This is something I've heard more than once, and it strikes us as surreal and slightly unhinged every time we encounter it.

Do NOT refer to the American revolution in the diminutive, or as anything other than an established, historical fait accompli.

It's rarely a topic of conversation to begin with, and it's not like we're going to rub it in your face, or anything. We're pretty matter of fact about the whole thing, so there's no need to be coy.

[Peter CArroll]

This seems pretty good to me, as a Brit who has visited the US since 1968 and lived here since 1974. Except for the one about anti-depressants. That's just silly.

[Dave S.]

My goodness. I'm an American, but apparently I think like a European. Just about everything that you identify as "wrong" (except #3) would be quite welcome by me.

Maybe that's why I spend so little time out of my home.

[Jonathan Walz]

Interesting, somewhat funny and witty observations, all cast with a wide net of typecasting individuals with a cultural group-think concepts that seek to find strategic work arounds so that you can feel as though you are more appealling to your American conterparts. Rather sad, really. To walk about worrying about what others think and reacting to stereotypes instead acting upon your own creativity.

[Cliff]

I take exception to the statement that Americans are not well traveled. Sure, most americans have not left the country, but that does not mean we are not well traveled. In Europe, one cannot help but to travel to a different country; if you drive for more than a couple of hours in any one direction it is bound to happen. This is because Europe is SMALL. The United States, but contrast, is quite large. Indeed, it is several times the size of Europe. So, for a European to claim to be better traveled merely because he has visited three or four or eight countries in Europe is fatuious. Sure, if an American travels from New York to LA, he has not left the country, and the people still speak the same language, but I assure you that culturally, he has gone as far as from Prague to London.

-cliff

[Mike Anderson]

8. When west of the Mississippi and east of the Sierras, do not assume that rough clothing and vernacular speech correspond to a lack of education or worse yet, a lack of intelligence. Ignorant American rubes have been fleecing intelligent (but not smart) Englishmen for centuries.

...

1,897,326. Watch your language. Should you find that you have made a stray pencil-mark and wish to erase it, do not ask for a "rubber."

[wlpeak]

Generally sound advice, however it overlooks something most of the Europeans I have met seem to not intuitively grasp.

The US is a huge populous country. It has regions just like Europe. Each with its own quirks of culture.

Your advice seems targeted to the northeast and the more urban areas at that.

Be careful of assumptions about provincialism especially in areas with a heavy military population. The military and their children are heavily traveled and learn new places intimately.

Rural areas can be quite surprising as well. You mentioned a culture of immigrants, I have only a vague idea what you mean by that, but some of the small rural communities in the southeast haven't substantively changed since their ancestors came over from England. And German, Czech, Pole and other smaller colonies are peppered throughout the midwest from near Canada to down into Texas.

In general I would suggest avoiding thinking about any region in the US based on how it is portrayed in TV or Film. Regional bias exists here just as anywhere. That's why they call it 'Fly over country'.

[jim]

Interesting perspective.

Many of these points are valid just for the somewhat more introverted or intellectual Americans, on how to deal with their fellow Americans.

It also sounds like the American you've dealt with have mostly been from fairly large cities in the Northeast. The BosNyWash corridor has a different culture from the rest of the country. More aggressive, more anonymous, more competitive.

American culture is fairly extroverted and aggressive. People move a lot, change jobs a lot, change friends a lot. So they learn these skills to survive and thrive.

Learning deeply personal details about a persons life within hours of meeting them is not atypical. At the same time, having a fairly close friend move or change jobs, and end the friendship, is not atypical either.

The stereotype of Americans often having a large, but not deep, circle of friends has a good bit of truth to it.

What else. Yes, there is a an anti-intellectual side of America. A super-logical debating style is not trusted by most Americans. They instinctively will think you are trying to either a)trick them or b)look down on them. We are suckers for British accents, though.

On listening to travel stories. It depends. Americans like hearing stories from foreigners so they can relate it to their own friends. That way they look well-traveled themselves.

Many conversations can be seen as competitive bragging. You brag about something you did, then I brag about something I did. We learn how to do this from childhood.

Since most Americans are not well-travelled (especially outside the big cities), then you are breaking this cultural norm. They can't participate. If you are a foreigner they won't mind, but they won't like an American who tries that.

It's best to brag about something you know the other person can also brag about. Americans like to brag. Steering the conversation to an area where you know they can't will be seen as rude and show-offy.

Of course, it's a big, big country, with a great variety of personal and conversational styles.

[Darrell]

I think most of your points are overstated. Relax, be positive, be yourself, don't be an ass, and you'll have no problems. Most Americans love meeting Europeans. On politics, if you're in a "red" state, don't start off by badmouthing President Bush, you're not likely to make friends that way.

[WGBrodie]

Another valuable tip to EU visitors (especially journalists):

DO NOT spend too much time in Manhattan, NYC or other narrow enclaves. You will be doomed to repeat the mistake of some who have deluded themselves and others by concluding NYC *is* America and attempt to extrapolate. It will become obvious to better-travelled visitors that, as with London and Great Britain, so too with New York and America ... not always the seat of our best character, wisdom and humility.

[Kevin]

Two more:
1) Don't assume about religion. The local variations are unbelievable. For example in the course of a week in the NW, a liberal part of the US, I had dinner with people who talked extensively about their church and lunch with someone who used "born again Christian" as a curse.

2)Assume we can't speak other languages. It's not as common as in Europe, but many of us know Spanish, and may have grown up in families with non-English speakers. For example, my paternal grandmother would not speak to me except in French and my maternal grandparents were much more comfortable in a dialect of Russian. I've lost most of it but my brother hasn't and he learned Italian to talk with his in-laws.

A 3rd generation American

[Jake]

"In fact, politics is a very good conversation starter in America, so don't be afraid to ask someone who they are going to vote for at the next election right off the bat."

That is the worst advice you can give a person anywhere at anytime. 85% of the time you will end up in a verbal and perhaps a physical fight.

You should never discuss politics or religion unless you know the person well enough to know what their reaction will be.

[Cro]

To be honest, as a Mid-westerner that has lived and worked all over Europe, I'd say your advice is hogwash. It's insult wrapped in advice ... we Europeans are trained from a young age to logically dissect an argument, yadda, yadda, yadda.... Americans over-brag, blah blah blah.

Maybe Manhattan IS full of assholes, but it by no means defines America and your advice wouldn't be worth donkey snot here in Chicago.

[Patrick Carroll]

This is a brilliant piece of work! I'm saying this as someone who grew up mostly in the UK and Ireland, and who's been in the US since 1985.

One thing I'd add (though, as a middle-aged guy who's been kind of out of touch with the EU for a while, I'm unsure of the value of the insight) is not to be afraid to ask for more money from your employer.

Growing up I got a huge dose of the "money is the root of all evil" thing. This doesn't really hold in the US, where money is mostly seen as (a) a tool, and (b) a way to keep score.

So, if you're working here, negotiate, negotiate, negotite. And when it's all over, ask again in 90 days.

Obviously, you've got to do it from the perspective of what you've accomplished, but do ask. Otherwise, well, you'll get trampled by everyone else.

[Molon Labe]

May I add a few more?

8. Don't assume that the Americans you are with speak only English or are narrowly educated or untravelled.

It's true of some Americans, of course. However, I've been alternately amused, offended and annoyed at smug, condescending comments made in my presence by those who assumed I couldn't understand the language they spoke or that I wouldn't recognize the literary, political or social references implicit in their 'clever' remarks. If I'm REALLY annoyed I sometimes answer back in the language used -- or in a third.

9. Don't assume that because you've been to New York or Los Angeles you understand the US and its complexities. Within our own borders we have as much cultural, linguistic, social and geographic diversity as western Europe taken together. Many of us have lived in highly differing areas of the country or in neighborhoods with recent immigrants from a variety of places around the world. There's more here than most Europeans realize.

10. Don't assume that most Americans are as class conscious as most Europeans.

We're by and large a nation of strivers, of entrepreneurs, of blue collar kids who go to college and become white collar professionals. We tend to value achievement, not birth status. Be especially careful of this if you're in the West -- that guy in a plaid flannel shirt driving a dusty pickup truck might well be able to afford to buy a considerable chunk of your home country if he chose.

11. Don't miss the opportunity to really SEE the country. Spend time in the mountains, in the deserts, on our shores (not just the warm beaches, but also the Pacific northwest or the coasts of Maine or the islands of North Carolina), in our forests. While it's not true of many in our largest cities, the majority of Americans enjoy and have been shaped by the big outdoors of this vast nation. We certainly didn't create it, but we do enjoy it.

I hope you will too.

[W.J.A]

"In fact, politics is a very good conversation starter in America, so don't be afraid to ask someone who they are going to vote for at the next election right off the bat."

This is only good advice if you ask the American the *American's* opinion, and listen with friendly but non-commital curiousity. Then the American is chatty and opinionated. By far the worst and surprisingly common faux pas Europeans make is to start lecturing Americans about American politics. It's the height of arrogance, though ironically, these same Europeans often complain about "American arrogance". Also, you're almost sure to embarrass yourself, because by necessity European knowledge of US politics is third hand, and largely a mix of fact and strange overreaches and generalizations and even conspiracy theory. (I can't tell you how many Europeans have cited Michael Moore to me as if he's a credible source from the Brookings Institute.) If you want a perfect illustration of the phenomenon, watch Whit Stillman's *Barcelona*, and the Spanish intellectual who informs his docile audience of students that it's a fact that the leading US intelligence agency controls American labor unions-- after all, the largest one is "the AFL-CIA".

That's who you're probably going to sound like. So dude, seriously, just ask questions and listen politely, and when we want *your* opinion of America, we'll beat it out of you.

[Shannon Love]

Some of these points require translation:

1. Assume that your typically understated demeanor with be recognized and admired by your American colleagues.

Don't assume that Americans will understand your subtle conversational hints intended to convey your position in Europe's archaic social order. Americans do not care where you or your people come from. Americans care about what you, AS AN INDIVIDUAL, can or cannot do.

2. Politely respond to the question "how are you doing?" with a brief "fine, thanks" and walk away shyly without engaging in much further dialog.

Because Americans lack anything approaching the class conscious of the typical European, the individual serving you your coffee will actually believe they are your social equal and expect you to respond in kind. It's disturbing but one can grow accustom to it. Remember this is essentially a culture of equal individuals so remember to act like one.

3. Try to exaggerate an overseas experience for dramatic effect. Or, for that matter, underestimate the intelligence of your American companion.

Strangely, Americans do not consider Europeans who have tuttled around Europe to be "well traveled." For some reason, Americans do not regard riding a train from Paris to Prague as trans-cultural experience.

4. Seize every point an American colleague is saying in a debate by analyzing and deconstructing his/her sentence structure word-by-word and pointing out the flaws in his/her logic.

Don't expect Americans to mistake repeated appeals to intellectual authority as logical empiricism. Don't expect Americans to mistake a clever turn of phrase for reality. Don't expect Americans to find Europe's history of bloodshed and discord indicators of a more wise and worldly culture.

5. Hold back on sharing fairly intimate/personal stories on a first meeting

Again, Americans only care about you as a individual. If you don't talk about yourself, you don't convey any information that an American finds useful.

6. Assume that anyone who is on some kind of anti-depressant or who has been on one/several is insane and that you shouldn't talk to them

Don't assume that the pill-popping culture of far Left of center urban areas represents the entire country.

7. Assume that every American is pro-war in Iraq.

Don't expect Americans realize that life is meaningless and that we are helpless to affect positive change in the world. Unfortunately, few Americans recognize impotence and cynicism for the virtues they are.

The real problem with Americans is that they do not realize that the culture, history and politics of Europe established the template for all human societies and that deviation from European norms represents a serious fault.

I guess we will grow up someday.

[JorgXMcKie]

I'm in agreement with those who point out that, assuming that this is good advice (may or may not be), it works at best in the NE. I'm not convinced it would work much more than a small majority of the time there.

Having said that, my experience in the upper Midwest in grad school is that Americans from either coast are very uncomfortable in the Midwest for different reasons. That is, the Midwest is a very different culture than LA/SF and also than Bos-Wash. Those from south of DC have an easier time of it. I have seen similar effects in business. Thus, even Americans need to be able to adjust to internal cultural differences.

Dude, the US is fookin' HUGE!! Exchange students in high school and international students in college take anywhere from months to years to figure out just how big the US is. Even our Chinese students and colleagues are amazed at both how big the country is and how widespread large cities are. In this way, the US is much more like India. Lotsa big(gish) cities and lotsa culture variation.

My advice would be what I would give any good salesman: watch your contact carefully and mimic their behavior to the extent possible to you. Let them initiate behavior. You can't go too wrong that way.

[Nigel]

Nice post, it was a fun read. I've had a conversation like #6 before and didn't know how to respond. #1 is a big one because some Americans interpret this as a lack of self confidence.

I'd add that Europeans shouldn't base their view of Americans on any idiots that they may meet. For example a gas station attendant in Denver heard my accent and asked where I was from, I told him I came from the UK, and he replied "You know we kicked your arse in the civil war"

-Great story, the kind Euros love to hear, but that guy is one of kind.

[Brown Line]

I would offer Europeans one bit of advice about Americans: Forget everything you "learned" about us from the movies or television. Just set it aside. Pretend you never saw it, because it is almost entirely horseshit. Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut, draw your own conclusions, and you'll do just fine.

[Catherine]

The whole Americans are less traveled crap is hogwash. I'm really sick of it. Actually, I have plenty of snobby North East friends (which sounds like all you have been exposed to) like you who thinks someone is less "broadly" educated because of the lack of stamps on their passport. I also have European friends who spend a 3 day weekend in Miami Beach and think they understand America (I have spent over the last 10 years about 10 weeks in London, but would never assume to "know" the UK). For people so broadly educated and well-traveled, I find most Europeans incredibly narrow-minded, particularly when it comes to America.

Also, having come of age in the 1980's when flying became affordable, I think its hard to find someone at least middle-class who hasn't had several vacations abroad or hasn't had a Jr. year of college abroad and during which traveled all over that year.

My next several vacations? Alaska and Montana. There is so much here to explore and enjoy that I haven't yet.

Finally, I think people in the US are incredibly welcoming and helpful to foreign travelers. I have had several friends who couldn't get over how people bent over backwards to make them feel welcome or to assist them in getting around. However, when I have been traveling in Europe (not England), people make a point of being rude once they realize I am an American or because my (German, Italian) sucks. Rather than just pointing the way to the ladies toilet, they will take a moment to tell me what they think of the US or ask all sorts of silly, ignorant questions (is it true Americans don't cook? Do you eat steak every night? Drive a cadillac? wear cowboy hats? Are all fat? I could go on) that lead me to the conclusion that Europeans aren't as educated and well-traveled as they believe themselves to be.

Ugh, and don't get me started on the Japanese!

[Max]

Do not begin a sentence with the phrase "You Americans." We are not lumpen. We have more different kinds of people and climates than you do.

Yes, "old Europe" was an insult. It was intended to be an insult. The greater truth is that in the ways that count, the U.S. is older than European countries and more settled and stable.

Respect your elders:

Our constitution is older than the constitution of any European country.

We have a common currency among fifty states. You just figured out that common currency thing recently and you are still a long way from a common constitution.

Don't get cocky about having sixty years of peace between your states. The U.S. has one hundered forty seven years of peace between its states.

Europe's sixty year peace is the result of Americans learning from WWI. After WWI, Americans left Europe to its wise old statesmen who had the whole continent at war again in twenty years. After WWII the Americans stayed. It is very difficult for a country where Americans are stationed to attack another country where Americans are stationed. Very clever that George Marshall, eh?

Those who gush effusively when you bash our President really want to be Europeans more than Americans. You are welcome to take them home with you. They make nice pets.

[Sartorius]

Here is a genuine piece of advice for Europeans, concerning a point upon which I have repeatedly seen confusion: To almost all Americans, ethnicity is meaningless. If an American says that he is "Irish", he does not mean that he emigrated from Ireland, that he is an Irish Nationalist, that he has ever been to Ireland, that he knows anything about Ireland or cares about anything that goes on there, that he has any real interest in ever going to Ireland, that he knows anyone in Ireland, that he speaks Gaelic, or - and this is the most important point - that he thinks that he is not really American.

What he probably means is that his last name is "O'Connor" (his grandparents were, say, Rick and Irene O'Connor and Don and Rachel Vercetti) and he remembers being told that his great-grandfather emigrated from County Someplace and he wears a green sweater on Saint Patrick's Day and his mom has an old family recipe for Irish soda bread on a card someplace. This is the extent of his "Irishness".

An American who has an interest in genealogy will be happy to tell you the various fractions by which he is Swedish, Greek, and Czech. Asking whether, because he has not stated an "American" fraction, this means that he feels that he has more in common with Swedes, Greeks, or Czechs than with Americans would either be met with bewilderment or laughter.

[Assistant Village Idiot]

Excellent post and comments. I would repeat yet again that the advice applies best to visitors in the Boston-Washington corridor. The US has as many people as Europe. In the South, Southwest, and Midwest, you might want to trial-balloon each piece of the advice. Here in NH, we are not noted for being welcoming and chatty compared to other Americans, but might still be in comparison to your own country.

Introducing politics is indeed dangerous in many circumstances. Many Americans think hard and feel passionately about issues, and will often have arguments you are unfamiliar with. What Western Europeans assume about some issues will be challenged in America. This applies not only to health care and the military, as noted above, but to gun control, abortion, tariffs, and a dozen other issues. Most Americans have at least one political/social belief on such issues that is completely counter to type: you will find radical leftists who are against abortion, and right wingnuts who want strict gun control.

That said, most Americans only care about such things at election time, and will gladly entertain your perspective on a dozen issues with attention. Just be alert.

The "culture" issue is perhaps the easiest way to give offense. Many Americans have overseas contact because of military, business, religious, or family connections, as noted above, and have seen the dark underside of your country as much as you are seeing of the US. My experience is that when you press the issue hard, what Europeans mean by "culture" is often an atmosphere of old buildings, adverts for the opera, and familiarity with European eras. I love old buildings, but am also familiar with violent youths who vomit outside pubs in the East End. Capice?

Which reminds me: Americans often will press the issue very hard, and challenge you. The original post claims that Americans will not respond well to your logical dissection. True and untrue. We will strike at the main point, as we are an impatient people. Even if we don't wish to discuss the issue, our throwaway line dismissing the topic will often include a challenge. "Well, perhaps they've done things I'm not aware of, then. But I didn't see many western Europeans working at the orphanage in Romania."

My experience is that Europeans and Americans each regard the other as charming and intelligent children, and both have a point.

[Max]

I gather from your points that you've been living in certain coastal metropolitan areas. Firstly, thanks for recognizing that we're not primarily ignorant bigotted inbreads.

The fascination with anti-depressants, braggadocio, and compulsive self-disclosure, are chiefly traits found in a few select cultural centers. Many Americans find them as strange as Europeans might.

[Wil Cruz]

Let me add some more Do not

make the mistake of assuming that the only racists here in the US are white Americans . it's not only insulting , it's also false .

Assume that immigrants coming over here are all Mexicans and generally uneducated and very much illegals .

Call Americans "colonials" . You will be rapidly shown the door via a kick on the behind.

Tell americans how wonderful and civilized Europe is compared to America . Real red blooded americans will find it an insult and contrary to what our really far left liberals are saying , the majority of Americans don't find Europe real civilized at all.

Tell Americans that having guns at home is a criminal act and using it for self defense is barbaric .

Tell americans that International laws and treaties as well as the United Nations supersede the US Constitution and other US laws .

[BrianNYC]

I agree with those here who state that the best way to understand others is to step outside of yourself in order to observe and politely mimic, without compromising one's integrity.

[DC Denizen]

Molon Labe nailed it. Do not assume that Americans are impressed with inherited wealth or status. "Nouveau riche" is not a bad thing here. Americans _much_ more admire and appreciate a person who has achieved on his/her own merits.

Frankly, we view most heirs/heiresses as Paris Hilton or Prince Charles - people who, without the luck of birth, would be selling us hamburgers.

Most (clearly not all) self-achievers, do not flaunt their wealth. You would be very surprised to see the net worth of most "yokels".

[Paul A'Barge]

Do not Assume that every American is pro-war in Iraq.

However, do assume that those Americans who are not pro Iraq war are traitors.

Because they are, in fact traitors.

[John Oh]

Don't believe anything you see or hear on television or the movies about the American South.

If you have never traveled through Mississippi Alabama Georgia etc. you're missing a great deal of American's best.

[El Gabo Gringo]

I think your advice (especially 1,2, & 5) is good for Englishmen. They tend to come across as a bit introverted, even effeminate in a business setting.

Germans probably need a different set of do's and dont's like "DO shower" and "DON'T wear pastel shirts to a business meeting."

[Tom Bri]

And, don't assume you know anything about America because you have been watching movies set in America. Movies are FICTION.

Europeans also seem to have a load of assumptions about America and Americans and are unwilling to question them. They associate the 'right wing' with their own nationalist right, as one example, when they are nearly poles apart.

[Dave_Violence]

I've got lots of "European" friends. And I've lived in European countries for a few years here and there.

For the Germans: American beer is generally horrible. Your beer is superior and any American who's been to Germany and had the beer (from ANYWHERE in Germany) will go out of there way to tell you this. it is a compliment. Note, though, there are some good American beers, though, try to find them. If only Budweiser is available, don't bother.

For the English: Americans LOVE hearing English spoken by the English. it is, after all, how it's supposed to be spoken. BUT: did you know (not that you'd care) that there are distinct accents, not just "North" and "South" but Philadelphian vs. Baltimoron (pun intended), etc., etc., etc. Not that we'd expect you to know - sort of like you shouldn't expect that most Americans would recognize a Welsh accent. those of us who read Viz magazine might get it, though.

For the French: Many Americans know that them fried potato sticks are really Belgian (we also know that Jean-Claude Van Damme is, too). Many Americans have read the Song of Roland, have you?

For the Spanish: Got news for you, there are a lot of Americans who speak Spanish. In fact, a quarter or more of the USA might be fluent in Spanish. A lot of Americans have read Cervantes and know of the Poem of the Cid. Impressed?

For the Italians: You grow the most beautiful women. Keep doing it. Your food is great, too.

The only thing I'd add to the "don't" list would be: not tipping at restuarants and bars is considered bad behavior.

[Sissy Willis]

A brilliant post, much enjoyed, but unfortunately, you are mistaken when you say "by far the majority believe that America itself has fundamentally very good intentions, and that the country really does want the best for everyone."

The overwhelming anti-Americanism of the MSM assures that the average swing-voting American -- the folks I call the mushy middle -- is too unfocused to believe any such thing.

[moptop]

"if you continually defer back to empirical logic when arguing with them."

I am an American, I work with Europeans quite often, I have yet to find one that uses "empircal logic" to discuss anything non technical. In fact, if I get in one point on a debate, the result inevitably seems to be "you Americans think you know everything."

Many, if not most Americans, on the other hand, my Mother, who was born and raised in the Netherlands among them, believe that Europeans defer far too much to their "intellectual" classes. Americans choose to think for ourselves. It seems like Europeans choose "politically correct" opinions, then rely on the authority of the purveyors of same, rather than puzzling the facts out for themselves.

A European is far more likely than an American to say they "believe" in global warming because there is a "scientific consensus". Americans will often ask themselves "which scientists?" and what does "consensus" have to do with science? If Einstien had followed the consensus, where would science be now? This does not make us stupid, although, as a European, I am sure that that would be your first instinct.

I guess what I am trying to say it, nice try, but you really don't have a clue about what it is to be American. You cannot escape your European shell. Stick to NY, Boston, San Francisco, Seattle, and you will do fine with your advice.

Outside of that, you have no idea how incredibly insulting at least half of your rant is. That is, we would be insulted if we really cared what the blood soaked denizens of a blood soaked continent, who were unable to stop fighting til we made them think.

[DRJ]

I live in Texas and your rules sound "spot on" to me.

[Carolynn]

Do Not Assume that Having a McDonalds in your Home Town (in whatever country you're from) Means you Understand America

and....

Don't think you can visit the Grand Canyon and visit your American friend in Chicago by renting a moped.

[LouMinatti]

"Medication, and anti-depressants in particular, are pretty near popular culture in America"

Correction: They may be popular in LA and New York City. They are not popular or trendy in the other 95% of the country.

[Mitch]

And how do you know when you've pulled it off? When your American friends start encouraging you to get your green card and to think about taking US citizenship.

Some recent arrivals seem to take to the place like they were born here. I'm thinking of the Indian engineer who loves snowboarding, the Cockney who practices cowboy-style shooting, and a couple of others you wouldn't pick out as foreign-born without the accents as clues.

[Steevo]

Many Europeans need to be taught what a "Redneck" really is, and is not. They've also imported some of the worst American TV and then wanna believe all we're into is trash.

It seems easier for them in general to stereotype - simplistic and too many times derogatory categorization.

[NoAcuteDistress]

What is it you Brits say about vapid, pseudo intellectual tub thumping?

Bollocks! That's it.

[Dave S.]

"Call Americans "colonials" . You will be rapidly shown the door via a kick on the behind."

Oh, come on. Where? Anybody I've ever met would find that amusing.

I agree with everyone who says this is BosNYWash advice (probably California, too). None of this advice is applicable to outside-of-Boston New England.

[JohnAnnArbor]

Also: don't assume we think the world would be better off without Israel. That feeling may be common in certain parts of Europe, but is less common (but by no means absent) here.

Don't assume flag-waving = jingoism.

Don't assume your media gives the only unbiased picture of the world. Americans are often shocked by the assumptions that clearly go into, say, average reporting on the BBC (America only cares about oil, Israel kills Arabs for sport, diplomacy can solve anything, etc.).

Don't make assumptions about race or immigrant relations. Before you pass judgement on us, take a long, hard look at the "no-go" zones in various European cities dominated by Muslim minorities.

Don't bring up the death penalty. Europeans often forget that we are a nation of separate states, each with their own laws. The state of Michigan has never executed anyone since it was established in 1837. France was decapitating people in 1977. And, for the most part, bringing up Mumia or Leonard Peltier is NOT a good idea; most people here think they should rot in prison.

Don't assume you care more about the environment than we do. We have almost no diesel cars on the road here; Europe has a high percentage. Why? American air pollution standards are more strict than Europe's.

[Willy]

There were two major demographic shifts that took place in the US in the 70's and 80's that aren't recognized here. At that time there was a major economic shift, of workers from northeast metro's to other parts of the country, in large part to include Texas. My experience with Texans, at that time, is that they were open, polite, welcoming and wary of aggression. These 'yanks', as one may have made reference, brought with them a 'chuminess' which I took as a result of a more confined metro upbringing. The rules introduced above would play more readily in that dense metro than in flyover country.

A second demographic which lends itself to the 'metro chuminess' is that children of 'boomers' are more likely to have grown up in day care centers (precursor to the modern day mall) than did their parents. A part of that same economic shift of the 70's and contributes to that openness that Euros may not understand.

Europeans are welcome anywhere in the US but would be wise to exercise caution until they understand the rules of the 'pack' in which they may want to play.

[weed]

As an American born in Florida, college’d in Colorado, and living in Oregon, most of the behaviors you ascribe to Americans are the very ones I abhor in stereotypical North Easterners. You should travel more.

In regards to international travel, it is still prohibitively expensive for many (most?) Americans. This is especially so, considering that we often have to travel thousands of miles just to visit relatives on holidays.

Drive from New York to San Diego avoiding the Interstate Highways, and tell us what you think.

BTW, I followed an Instapundit link here, but I’m going to add you to my daily reading. I've been looking for a blog like this.

[Tim H.]

I think some commenters have mistakenly assumed this advice comes from condescension. I think it's not all correct, but it seems to be meant honestly and congenially.

As a rural Southerner, I think the advice on anti-depressants is...surprising. I don't know anyone who has, to my knowledge, taken these. I'd expect it to be kept quiet if any of my acquaintances had, in fact. As many others pointed out, maybe this is the thing you find in a big city. It's definitely not the culture out here. But maybe the advice to the Europeans still stands, in such cases.

I'd disagree on the idea that you should start political conversations. As one other person said, you might could get by with this as long as you ask and listen, without pushing your own ideas. I follow the same caution--when I'm in a foreign country, I never push my own politics own them but will simply let them talk about theirs. Very, very dangerous territory, and it's easy to insult somebody. If you turn out to agree with your host, then by all means chip in, but Americans in my part of the country don't even like fellow Americans telling them they're wrong about politics.

I was at a scientific conference, and a German colleague (living in the US) proceeded (without prompting) to deliver us a rant as to how Americans were ignorant, uninformed, etc., etc., etc... And all of the admonitions for him to simply *please* stop talking went unheeded, and he kept spewing out insults, all cloaked with a mantle of telling us what was wrong with us, so that we'd have the opportunity to change our ways. My goodness, what a bad ambassador for German culture!

The bragging has to be careful too. Big regional variations on this throughout the US. In the rural South, you're allowed and encouraged to exaggerate a *story*, especially if the exaggerations are obvious. Bragging about yourself, though, isn't always polite. Southern society is very big on politeness and manners, and we country folk take pride in our manners as much as any city folk do.

Men, likewise, are free to tease and insult each other in joking ways. But it has to be clearly meant in friendship. A good (fictional) example of this would be the famous scene in the book, _The Virginian_. One fellow at a rowdy card game gives an *intentional* insult, and the Virginian pulls a gun on him and says, "When you say that, smile!"

I second the advice on language. You'll find lots of people who've taken Spanish, French, or Latin. A foreign language is generally required in high schools (although this varies a lot). But don't expect fluency. A lot of us don't have much chance to practice with native speakers after school.

Smile! Make eye contact! America is (with a few regional exceptions) an outgoing, friendly place. Smiling is expected for friendliness, and avoiding eye contact can be taken as shyness or shamedness. Don't smile only when someone's telling a joke, but much more generally.

When in a group of people you don't know, come right out and introduce yourself to somebody (or several). Don't wait to be introduced.

Don't talk about your salary. I don't know if this is acceptable anywhere in the US (maybe in a really big city? Maybe not.), but it's almost never an appropriate topic of conversation. Often not within families, even.

I'm married to a Rumanian, and I see some of these things come up in her--the apparent introvertnedness and sadness, which are really not. Even being married to her, I have a hard time telling when she's in a good mood!

Never, never condescend. And follow the advice, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." If you dislike something about America or Americans, keep it to yourself, unless we ask you. Think of yourself as being a guest in our home, and all Americans are our family. Don't insult our family or our home.

By all means, encourage us to come see your country, and tell us what you like about it (still, avoid politcs!), but don't compare it with our own country. Tell us how pretty yours is, and so forth, but don't downplay ours in the process.

[John Blake]

American as turkey-in-the-straw, I've been crashing around worldwide since shipping out as an Ordinary Seaman aboard Liberty Ship tankers, to Bombay at age 17. Collection of European, Mideast, Asian Youth Hostel cards fills an entire drawer.

One thing about Europeans --Australians in particular agree-- is that they are easily ambushed by anyone who's thought about stuff they take for granted. In Paris, quite some years ago, discussing Jacques Monod on the Left Bank, I zinged 'em Sartre: "Existentialism is biochemistry with a paper microscope." Then "Sartre would say, 'Who needs Plato?' What he means is, 'Who needs Ideas?'" You could have heard a fly buzz in ye auld Deux Magots.

Henry James emigrated a century ago. We truly wonder if he'd feel that compulsion now.

[Bob]

American manners are summed up nicely by our sage/philosopher Judith Martin aka Miss Manners--for any one really interested in a serious study of the subject. Jake from Chicago has your number.
Bob

[The Sanity Inspector]

Try not to snicker when Americans refer to a fifty- or hundred-year-old landmark as "old". In Britain, a hundred years is not a long time. Just like in America, a hundred miles is not a long distance.

[Adrian]

Which parts of this advice also apply to Canada?

[Tom Glennon]

I was both amused and educated not only by your article, but the comments as well. May I add a bit about language? I wrote the following several years ago, and it was carried in several web sites and e-zines. I thought you might find it a worthwhile read, especially since many of the comments were centered on language.

Subject: English Only

My state, Iowa, has recently had its annual legislative arguments over making Iowa an English only state, or making English the official language. While I certainly agree that immigrants who wish to become citizens of the United States must learn English, the yearly debates over language look kind of silly to me, especially not being a native Iowan. My sixty years of speaking only a single language (3 years of Latin in High School do not count unless you have a need to read Caesars Commentaries on the Gallic Wars in the original), and the many places I have lived in over the years, may have given me a little different perspective.

I am a bit bemused by those native born Americans who say that immigrants should speak English before they are allowed to enter the United States. If that were true in the 19th and first half of the 20th century, many of us would have been born in Europe. Certainly, my German Grandparents would have been excluded, and my Irish Great Grandfather would have been turned away also. He spoke a form of English, but with such a heavy brogue, only another Irisher could understand him.

While growing up in Chicago, and living there during my early adulthood, I lived in and visited many ethnic neighborhoods where European languages were more commonly heard on the street than English. Polish in Logan Square, and German in Andersonville. Friends in Little Italy chatting in their native tongue, with Yiddish spoken a few blocks away in Rogers Park. While many of the older folk never mastered English, their children grew up speaking the language of their parents native land at home, but used English at school, work, while shopping, and most other places. In turn, their children could barely understand the Grandparents, and spoke the original language not at all. In other words, English became the common language on it's own merit, without benefit of legislation or threat of deportation.

I certainly think most rational people would agree that English is one of the most difficult languages to learn. It has the largest vocabulary, by far, of any spoken tongue on earth. We have about 60,000 words that are in daily use, and over 400,000 conversational words in total. Add to that another 200,000 technical and scientific words, for a total of over 600,000. An American six year old has a working vocabulary of 5,000 to 6,000 words, more than some languages have in their entirety. However, it is our usage of English that makes it truly difficult. Perhaps it is just possible that some newcomers never master our language because it lacks rationality. Rules are made to be broken, yet exceptions prove the rule. The people who have the most trouble learning our language may be among the most intelligent of recent immigrants. Certainly, they are most likely logical, because you have to have more than a bit of illogic to speak English correctly. By the way, I am speaking of American English. The English themselves will be the first to tell you that we don't speak English, we speak American. And so it starts.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn. With thanks to those friends who provided many of these examples.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the two doors to close them.
14) The buck does funny things when there are does present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) Getting the new shoes to fit my feet was a feat.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger. Neither is there an apple or a pine in a pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England, nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies; while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. While on the subject of food, I do not want to get into a discussion of hotdogs. That would be an essay of its own.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese.
One mouse, two mice. So one blouse, two blice, right ? One index, two indices? Where did that one come from?

Doesn't it seem odd that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is the leftover an odd or an end? If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Mobile means moveable, and immobile means non-moveable. Flammable means it will catch fire, but so does inflammable. You have to go to something that is non-inflammable before you are safe from fire. And why is abbreviated such a long word?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at plays and play at recitals?
We drive on Parkways, and park on driveways.
Ship cargo by truck and truck cargo by ship? And neither pertains to a car. And is this the same truck we don't have to put up with?
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a
form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why we can only see the stars when they are out, but when the lights are out, we can't see anything.

THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK FROM MY GRANDFATHER
"YOU CAN'T CONTROL WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU, BUT YOU CAN CONTROL IF WHAT THEY SAY IS TRUE."

THANK YOU

T. J. (Tom) Glennon
509 53rd St.
West Des Moines, Iowa, 50266
tglennon@netins.net

[Frank Warner]

DO NOT miss Arizona.

[Jack]

Many of these comments are unduly nasty. Mr. Harrison seems to have offered candid advice to Europeans from the perspective of an Englishman living in NYC. He's not obliged to apologize for European history, nor the misconceptions that many Europeans have towards Americans.

His list, and the comments that it has aroused, do tend to confirm an observation that a German friend of mine had made recently. He represents a German engineering concern and has travelled extensively across the US for over a decade. What he'd noticed is that the Western European conception of Americans tends to conflate the narcissism and status consciousness of certain US urban cultures with the stereotypes that these present regarding America's 'heartland'.

So you get neurotic self-absorbed cowboys beating their wives with the bodies of Katrina victims while gulping prozac after learning that she'd cheated on them by watching Jerry Springer.

The irony of this situation is that while Europeans are often most critical of the excesses found among America's 'elite' (e.g. acquisitiveness and false intimacy), this elite assumes that such criticism is directed solely at other Americans.

[RebeccaH]

Enjoyed the posting, but you need to spend more time outside of Manhattan.

[Cecilius]

While it seems that the advice above is offered with the best intentions, ignore it all. Be yourself. Europeans are not Americans and we do not expect you to act like an American. We tend to have a pretty wide tolerance for differences in mannerisms. At least most of us do, which is why most of the advice won't work. Everyone here is pretty different from one another. What offends one American does not offend another. What one of us finds interesting is a bore to another. Don't waste your time trying to follow any particular rules of engagement that you wouldn't use at home. Some of us are jerks no matter what you will do and others will politely allow you to walk the streets in thong underwear as if it's what everybody does. Just relax and enjoy your time in the States.

[hvfrrider]

A very interesting post that has generated a lot of thoughtful and amusing comments!! I concur with the others who note that your comments seem well intentioned, albeit applicable more to the northeast than the rest of the USA. As a Canadian, you could substitute "Toronto" for the reference to the northeast U.S.

Many of the comments highlight the amazing cultural diversity throughout the US and Canada and the inadvisability of making assumptions that behaviours that work well in one region will work well even a couple of hundred miles away.

Nonetheless, I will risk a couple of generalisations regarding the difference between Canadians and Americans. We tend to be less tolerant of braggers or b.s.'ers in general and, given our countries British roots, we tend also to be more reserved in general. The downside of this is that Canadians are, unfortunately, not quite as welcoming and friendly towards strangers as our American cousins, which is too bad.

[Eowyn]

All the advice to STAY QUIET, STAY OPEN is spot-on. This is what I did throughout living three years in England, and it served me well.

America is a collection of aggregates -- northeastern types, who TEND to be (not all ARE) elitist; northwestern types, who TEND toward leftist idealism -- rural types, who pretty much DO deeply love their native land, pretty much DON'T admire scholarship, but who will give you the shirt off their backs -- the list goes on.

But America is also -- perhaps especially -- its INDIVIDUALS, and the range and scope is dizzying. I personally know of a physicist who chooses to build boats in Florida for a living; a truck driver who will dissect Sartre with you till 3 a.m.; an eccentric Israeli naturalized citizen who repairs musical instruments; a gay Army journalist who would make short work of you in a fistfight; a Vietnam veteran so wanged out on Thorazine he can hardly move some days, but in his lucid moments will write such poetry as to move you to tears.

This is, of course, a microscopic slice. But I hope it helps prove the point that, while it's tempting to judge a country in toto, it's ultimately wrong. Get to know some slices, before you judge the whole pie.

It's fair and appropriate to judge a nation by its national goals. In my own opinion -- which I feel fairly confident is shared by most of my countrymen, at least until lately -- most Americans believe that bailing Europe out of terrible wars, and sending troops into volatile hotspots, is the right thing to do. We are proud of our ability to have figured out how to make life pretty much comfortable for pretty much everyone, and we support that desire wherever we find it. (Ask ordinary Iraqis -- not extremists -- whether they're happy we're there trying to do what we're trying to do. They'll tell you.)

Has America resorted to dirty tricks to further some agendas? Sadly, yes. Americans don't hold a patent on dirty tricks -- reading even recent history will reveal that. But the beauty of our open society is it's almost always found out, and trumpeted to the skies. (Unlike nations like Russia, and far too many others, where it's swept under the carpet.) The point is, ordinary Americans want to keep improving life for everyone. How they're achieving it is open to quite appropriate -- and necessary debate. I grow tired of hearing/seeing/reading only negative takes on America in the European press. Tired, yes, but, strangely, hopeful that people will make the effort to look at the larger picture, and, grateful that Americans, as the biggest kid on the block, have other people pointing out forests in which America itself sees too many trees.

Not to mix metaphors too much -- loved that English lesson, BTW :o)

We live in an incredible world. Time to start appreciating it more, rather than picking it apart. Thinks me, anyway.

Vive la difference!

(Hat tip to our French friends, whose, according to humorist Dave Barry, only contribution to military history is the tasseled combat boot .... Just kidding! Lighten up!)

[Eowyn]

hvfrrider, I agree with you vis-a-vis BS -- but respectfully disagree on Canadians being welcoming of strangers -- no one here will ever forget your taking in all those air travelers after 9/11.

[Ric Locke]

Let me add my voice to those of the commenters who suggested that this is excellent advice for visitors to BosWash, San Francisco, the wealthier parts of Los Angeles, and a few places, largely capital or University cities, across the country -- but somewhat less so (though not completely wrong) elsewhere. I will also note that, while it does not trump all other considerations, Cecilius is correct: goodwill covers a lot of sins.

One bit of commenter-advice is absolutely correct: assume that literally everything you have seen in your Press and the movies/cinema is either wildly exaggerated or flatly wrong. This is especially true if your source is Spiegel or Paris-Match.

I very much like the added point 9 about colonialism. In fact, Americans are not by and large imperialist, though you will find one or two who are. Our host is wrong about one thing, though -- America has never tried to dominate the world. It just happened, and the truth is we're as surprised (and sometimes as embarrassed) by it as anyone else.

One other: Do not go on and on about the difficulty of passing customs and immigration, except specifically in BosWash. From the point of view of many of us, the bullshit at the borders is the result of European unwillingness to take reasonable steps for security, often enough out of an active desire to see Americans "taken down a peg".

And yes, Europeans in general are a little too deferential to those they perceive as their social betters, and a bit too arrogant toward those they see as social inferiors, by American standards. If you speak to and treat all Americans as if they were members of your own social class -- whatever that might be -- you will get on better. It's what we do except in extreme cases.

Come visit and enjoy. If we should meet I'll buy you a beer.

Regards,
Ric

[Maetenloch]

I have to agree that some of the advice seems specific to the Northeastern cities of the U.S., and even there to just certain elites. Be aware that imitating NY brashness may not go over well in other American cities.

The prozac advice seems, well, kind of weird. I live in the SF Bay area and have mingled with a lot of different types and classes of people and I have never heard people talk about anti-depressants in casual conversations.

Having hosted several friends and business guests from Europe, here are a couple extra suggestions for visitors from the EU that will help avoid misunderstandings -

1. Forget everything you've seen in American movies and tv shows

A lot of european visitors seem to assume that they know all about the U.S. since they've been watching American shows most of their lives. This is a false familiarity. Unfortunately most of what they've learned are stereotypes and pure fantasy. Even the news media in Europe tend to give a false view of the U.S. It's better to treat America as some exotic unknown country that you're learning about for the first time. Fewer misconceptions that way.

2. Accept that Americans are different - not stupid

Just because things are done differently in the U.S. than in Europe, don't assume it's because Americans are backwards or idiots. America is different due to its history, geography, and climate. One thing that eludes a lot of Europeans until their first visit to the U.S. is just how large it is. Not only is it a big country, but the population is fairly spread out as well. This has impacts on our telephone system, how we travel (cars vs. trains vs planes) and even our political system. By and large Americans are not stupid, so if things are done differently it's because they make sense for local conditions and/or reflect local decisions. Even when things are better in Europe, avoid the temptation to lecture about it. Lecturing has *never* been known to make someone well-liked in any country.

3. Avoid the phrase "You Americans are ..."

Americans are not all the same so it doesn't make sense to try and lump them together. Plus almost anything following this phrase is likely to be insulting and/or wrong. Avoid it.

4. Avoid talking about politics

Here I have to disagree with advice given above. It can get pretty heated even among Americans discussing politics, particularly in the current environment. There's a reason it's considered wise in the U.S. to avoid talking about poltics and religion among people you don't know well. Almost nothing good is likely to come from a political conversation. Also avoid telling complete strangers how much you hate George Bush. Even if they agree with you, it's likely to be considered rude especially coming from a foreigner. It would be hard to ever imagine an American blurting out how much they hate Merkel when talking with
a new German aquaintance.

[Michael]

I have to throw in my support for all the people who said this advice pretty much only applies to cities in the northeast.

[Paul]

A few weeks ago I was in mid-town Manhattan, drinking in P.J. Clarks. Fine place. Anyways, I get talking with a Brit bond trader. He goes back and forth from New York to London. He said I wasn't a typical American. I told him I wasn't a typical Mahattanite. I said he was making a decision from incomplete informantion.

So, to Europeans, there are a lot of fairly different Americas and Americans.

My advice, enjoy the country. We like it too, and if you find something you really like, we'll be happy for you. That's what it really is about.

[Mark in Texas]

Your heart seems to be in the right place, but I'll concur with many of the replies that a lot of that seems pretty rude outside of New York.

As you pointed out, America is a big place compared to what Europeans are used to. Start driving east from London. Take the ferry and then continue east until you get to Warsaw, Poland. Now start driving east from El Paso and drive east the same distance. You haven't left Texas yet.

Movies are fiction, but you might recommend Europeans watch Whit Stilman's "Barcelona" and remember that Stilman lived in Spain for years and is married to a Spanish woman. My favorite quote from that movie is: "Ramon is very persuasive and he painted a terrible picture of what it would be like for her to live the rest of her life in America with all its crime, consumerism and vulgarity. All those loud, badly dressed, fat people watching their eighty channels of television and visiting shopping malls. The plastic throw away society with its notorious violence and racism. And finally the total lack of culture."

This might be what most Europeans think of us, but it is considered impolite in most parts of the US to go on about it at length.

By the way, I got here from Instapundit as well, but I will definitely be checking back on a regular basis.

[el checo]

Mr. Harrison deserves kudos for trying to understand what too many Europeans I know never did and never will. He should travel more, though. It’s easy to guess he is describing urban North Easterners when he refers to Americans. I’ve entertained myself part of the evening imagining a European visitor following his advise in Charleston, Baton Rouge, Cheyenne or Fargo (OK, I am easily entertained).

He is right in general about class and self-made wealth but most of his “finer” advise to Europeans could be reduced to a simple: “Don’t be so damn arrogant about who you think you are”. I know it. I was born and bred there. If you come here, throw away your ignorant prejudices and try to understand who Americans are, most of your European quirkiness will not only be forgiven, it will be appreciated for adding flavor to this great country.

[DasBoot]

About the traveling thing. Sure, a vast majority of Americans do not travel outside of North America, but we do frequently vacation other states. Each state is diverese and unique, so much one could say it's like visiting a separate nation with it's own unique cutlture and such. While Europeans keep count to how many nations they've visted with their fingers and toes, Americans double that with the number of states they've visted.
(39 states and 2 seprate countries, for myself)

[Swexan]

Interesting subject; I'll bookmark this site too.

I'm glad to read that many people feel the same way as I do - i.e. Euros believing what they read in the press & movies (frequently wrong). Also this arrogance that I find very rude.

When I am in Europe, I am truly interested in observing life in these countries, how people do things, go about their day, local customs. I try to keep an open mind, and attempt to communicate. I've seldom had problems, and people appreciate it. I would NEVER dare try to tell them what I think they do wrong (even though I have my opinions) because what would be the point? One of the worst encounters I've had here with a Euro was a Swiss woman telling me to my face in my own home that the US deserved to be attacked on 9/11 (no, I did not ask her to leave) however, she is never setting foot in my home again.

[Gromulin]

The thing that most Europeans need to understand about the American culture is that we are the children of malcontents, misfits and wanderers.

It's in our blood.

Our ancestors left their cutural homes and risked life and limb to travel to a far-away land, where they knew no friend, had no family and owned nothing. All in hope of a better life for themselves, and their children.

[Tantor]

Oddly enough, I haven't encountered any of these problems dealing with our English cousins when they come to visit or immigrate to live. They've been nice people. I'm not sure I care for coming up with a lot of rules for dealing with foreigners as they are surely apt to be wrong. I say take everyone one at a time.

Those times I've travelled to Europe in the military and as a civilian, I haven't run into any of those snooty Europeans I kept hearing about. Most people were about as polite as I met in America. The Italians, particularly, were fabulous and warm. Heck, I didn't even run into anybody rude in Paris.

In fact, the rudest town I've ever visited is Georgetown, right here in Washington, DC. New York City was more polite. I've been to Asia and Europe and its sad to say the most arrogant people I've met were the nouveau riche on the streets where the "elite" of America live.

So, all you Brits, don't sweat the rules in America. Loosen your tie, slip out of your shoes, order up a plate of jambalaya and a marguerita, and let the jazz play. Do what comes naturally. It will all work out from there, baby.

[Aglifter]

A big, big piece of advice -- DO NOT USE PROFANITY! More a point for students, but in Ireland, and England, language that is moderately acceptable, would be considered very, very rude -- as in, at best, you will be asked to leave, and never spoken to again. Likewise many of the non-native English speakers seem to think we all use four letter words exclusively.

Do not use the term "Yank" If you do, and a Southerner or Texan, or Westerner corrects you, do not dismiss it.

Do not be flippiant about Christianity, or born-agains, etc -- it's best to avoid religion.

Essentially, try to follow the same dictums of taste and decorum you would in visiting Prague, or Moscow, or Rome -- in many ways we are as different from each other as Czechs from Italians, but much more protective of one another.

[Chris]

I was born in England and grew up in the States. Still keep in touch with the aunties and cousins back in Blighty. My perspective is as follows:

80% of your stuff is right on target. The other 20%, hmmm . . . . I don't think I've ever discussed psychiatric medications with someone else. I don't discuss politics except with people I know well, and even then there have been some hard feelings.

The biggest difference I can see between Europe and America is in our optimism. We are proud to be American and sure that the country has a bright future. The Europeans I have known, including most of my own cousins, seem to have resigned themselves to their countries' decay and torpor. Some of them are proud to be part of the EU, but it comes off like the mom who is proud when her retarded son learns to tie his shoes.

For Englishmen in particular: You have one of the greatest advantages that anyone in the States can have, and that's your accent. Anyone speaking in a British accent is automatically assumed to have about 20 IQ points more than he really does.

Better yet, over here they cannot tell the difference between a toffee nosed speaker of BBC English, and the coarsest chav from Newcastle or the East End. For that matter, they can't usually distinguish a British accent from Australian or South African. Any of these accents hugely improves your odds of success in separating American men from their money, and American girls from their knickers.

[Dave]

I would second the comments above which say that Europeans visiting the US should forget everything they think they know about the US, and should try to see it as a new country they need to learn about. I am an American who has lived in Europe for 18 years(several countries), and while I love Europe and many Europeans, I find the general level of knowledge in Europe about the US to be abysmal. Not only are there a lot of things which most Europeans do not know about the US, but the level of false beliefs and misinformation is astounding. Part of the problem is the historical background of Europe and US/European relations, but more of it is due to the fact that the vast majority of European press and a large proportion of their politicians are vehemently anti-American. Much of what is generally believed in Europe to be true about America is blatantly false, and the misapprehensions are not all due to Hollywood. If all my news and beliefs were filtered through the mainstream press and television in Europe, I would probably be anti-American as well, would look down on the average American as an uneducated boob, and would believe that the only part of America which is salvageable is the New England corridor (BOSWASH) with a potential for parts of the West Coast. There is a lot more out there, as others have said. Visitors should be themselves and try to fit in with those they are visiting, not deliberately antagonise them. You might find that you like us.